


Past Dues

by Kittycatkyla23



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Suicide, Wordcount: Over 5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19733056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittycatkyla23/pseuds/Kittycatkyla23
Summary: Delic never claimed to be a good person. But at least he was decent enough to try and stop someone from pulling suicide. When he meets a man known as Hachimenroppi, Delic knew this person needed help.But before he could do anything, he had to know what was driving this man to take his own life.





	Past Dues

“Hey, Delic!”

“Yeah?” The blond dressed in pink and white looked over at friend, leaning pass the girl on his arm to see.

His friend was actually his manager. Currently, Delic was on the clock at his host club. That didn’t mean he couldn’t get a little tipsy with the female guests. In fact, that was in his job description. But every once in a while, he had to do his job.

“Can you check on that gent at the counter?” The manager asked.

Delic cocked a brow. “Which one?”

“The one who’s been here for two hours.”

Delic cocked a brow. They’ve had customer’s sit at the counter for four or five hours at a time, drinking themselves stupid to try and work up the courage to talk to some girls way out of their league. That wasn’t anything unnatural. So, why?

“Excuse me, ladies.”

Delic shimmied out of the booth. He and the manager walked a bit away, where they couldn’t be eavesdropped on.

“So, what’s actually going on?” Delic asked.

“That guy at the counter, there.” He gestured towards a brunette wearing a black coat with red fur-trimming. “He’s been there for two hours sipping down alcohol. That’s not weird, we both know that.”

“So…?”

“He keeps going into the bathroom. Last time he went, I heard something rattle in his pocket. Sounded like pills.”

Delic’s eyes lit with realization. “Ah. Got it.”

It wasn’t unnatural for every odd customer to drink themselves to suicide. That wasn’t something they could predict or stop. But the lease they could do is make sure they didn’t kill themselves in the store. That would be very bad for business.

Delic walked over to the individual in question. His black hair was long and unkept, sticking up in random spots. Whoever he was, he didn’t bother to fix his hair up after getting out of bed. At least he didn’t smell bad. It seems he put on deodorant.

“Hi!” Delic called.

The person jumped. A quick glare over his shoulder showed Delic he had ruby red eyes and horrible bags under his eyelids. His eyes were also bloodshot.

He glared at Delic with such animosity, the blond was for certain he had ill-intentions.

“I’m not a girl.” The person said. “I didn’t come here to get chatted up.”

“Eh? Then did you come here to chat up someone?” Delic sat down on the stool next to him. He motioned to the bartender for a drink. “There are plenty of beautiful women on the dancefloor.”

“Why do you care? Get lost.” The person put the scotch glass to his lips and drank. His expression soured and he had to force himself to swallow.

“Not a heavy drinker, are you?”

The person glared at him.

“Maybe you should drink something lighter. A martini is less likely to scratch your throat.”

“I’ll drink what I want. I’m paying for it anyway.”

“I don’t think bourbon suits a beauty like you. I think—”

“Would you fuck off already, you faggot!” The person glared at him with pure animosity. “Either tell me what you want or kick bricks! I’m not here to entertain you! I came to a male host club, so I _wouldn’t_ be bothered!”

Delic stared at him for a moment. His smile never wavered, but the gaze he casted this raven did. The blond didn’t take kindly to being called a faggot, especially by some sad loser drinking by himself.

“Well, you see here, I have reason to believe you have illegal substance on you. So—”

“Are you fucking serious?” The raven glared at him. “The fuck I have illegal substance. I can’t afford that kind of shit, even if I wanted it.”

“Well, a little birdy told me you had pills in your pocket.”

The person went quiet. Eerily quiet. Got him. The raven was caught.

“Kay.” He said.

He finished off his drink and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his wallet and produced ¥5,000 ($50). He put it on the counter and pushed himself off the stool.

“Oi, wait.” Delic said.

He reached his hand out and grabbed the raven’s arm.

The man jolted violently and yanked his arm just as aggressively. The raven looked back at Delic wide-eyed, holding his arm. His hands were shaking.

Realization hit Delic. This person was being abused. Delic didn’t know how but with that reaction, it was so obvious.

“Just…” The man started. “Fuck off. I’m leaving so calm your shit.”

The man turned away. Delic put his hand in front of his face to stop him. The blond stood in front of him, so the stranger had to go around him to get to the door.

“You—”

“Now listen.” Delic said. “I don’t know what you’re going through but killing yourself isn’t the answer. Things may be tough now, but once you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.”

The person’s eyes stretched wide. The pain in his red eyes was obvious as he stared up at Delic. The blond finally understood that look. It was the gaze of desperation mixed with hopelessness. This person had no where else to go but he wanted someone to be his savior. Delic recognized that look because once upon a dream, he shared that look.

“What would you know?” The man growled, although it looked more like he was about to cry. “You—”

“HACHIMENROPPI!”

The raven jolted. Delic’s eyes stretched wide. Whoever just screamed has yelled louder than the music. All eyes turned to an irate individual. A black hoodie, greasy hair and yellow teeth. The crowd gave the man a wide birth.

His eyes bore down on Delic. The blond jolted. What did he do? Then they flashed to the raven companion of his. Delic looked back at the suicidal man. His eyes were wide with fear with an expression that said, ‘Oh, shit’.

The raven turned and ran.

“Ah, wa—”

“WAIT, ROPPI!”

The man pushed pass Delic, shoving the blond harsh enough to careen him into the counter. The two disappeared into the crowd, but Delic could figure from the general direction they were heading, they were going to the backdoor behind the stage. The blond should have left well enough alone. It was no longer his problem. Once they left the club, it wasn’t his business.

But Delic couldn’t think like that.

The blond pushed himself to his feet and rushed after them. He pushed through the crowd as politely as he could, saying excuse me, pardon me as he went. He made it behind the stage, but the door was closed. The blond opened it and stepped out into the desolate alleyway.

“—Was that? You think you can break up with me over a fucking letter on the door?!”

Delic heard the scream from the adjacent alley by the dumpster. It was smaller, barely able to be considered an alleyway, but it was enough for two people to fit in easily. Delic went to the mouth of it to peer.

The person he had just been chasing was pinned against the wall. The man who had chased him was holding the chest of his shirt firmly. The raven’s stomach was exposed because of that and Delic could see, thanks to the overhead light of the back door, prominent bruises on his flesh.

“Well, I didn’t want to see you so…” The raven said.

“The fuck is that, Roppi?! I’ve been the one supporting your broke ass for months and now that you’ve bled me dry, you’re going to just kick me out?!”

“Not really. You can keep the shitty apartment if you want it.”

“Yeah, and where are you going to go, huh? You can’t survive without me!”

A lover’s quarrel, Delic acknowledged. Maybe he shouldn’t be listening in on this.

“Whether I can survive or not isn’t up for debate. I’m breaking up with you.”

“No, you’re not! I won’t allow it!”

“Why? Because you won’t be able to find anyone else who puts up with your ED?”

Delic’s eyes widened. The raven grinned maliciously.

“That’s the only reason you fucking hit me as much as you do. I know it’s because you feel emasculated cuz you can’t get it up. What you were telling me is just sex plays was just an excuse to use toys and that shit on me. What, did you think making someone feel pleasure would suddenly make you a man again? Did you think beating the shit out of someone else would make you a man? It’s really pathetic how sad you are.”

…Oh dear. Yeah, Delic shouldn’t be listening in on this. He should probably—

The raven called out as he was punched hard across the face. The man, obviously irate, threw him on the ground.

“O-oi…” Delic started.

The man climbed on top of Roppi and fastened his hands around his throat. The raven choked immediately, kicking and trying to punch the man’s arm.

“Oi!” Delic yelled.

“Who the fuck are you to say that to me, huh?! You talking about emasculating and what not, but what about you?! You, the dirty faggot who can come from his ass alone! The fuck does that make you?! You’re just a bitch in heat!”

Delic slammed his knee into the man’s ribs. His eyes stretched wide and he called out in pain. He released the raven, who rolled over and started coughing hard.

“You fucker!” The man glared up at Delic. “You—”

“Oi, Delic, what’s going on?” Someone called from the alley.

The man jolted. Without even so much as a glance at the fell raven, he stood and ran down the other way.

“Hey!” Delic called.

“Delic?” Delic’s manager came around the corner. “What happened?”

The blond clenched his teeth as the assailant disappeared out of sight. He looked down at the raven, who had gone quiet except for his heavy breathing.

“Hm.” The manager walked over. “Seems he drank too much. Did he pay his tab at least?”

Delic let out a sigh as he picked the man up. “I’m taking him to my room for now.”

“Alright.” The manager shrugged. “Make sure he doesn’t puke everywhere.”

* * *

The raven didn’t open his eyes for a good thirty minutes. For a moment, Delic wondered if he should call the hospital instead. What if this man never woke up? He would have caused his club a great deal of trouble, especially since there weren’t camera’s in the host rooms. So, if Delic ended up with a dead body, there’d be no alibi for him.

Luckily, he didn’t have to worry about that. The raven groaned as he looked around himself. He then jolted when he seemed to realize he wasn’t in his bed, but that of another’s.

His eyes fell on Delic. “You…the fuck is this? Where’d Takashiro go?”

“Ran off. Lucky he did too, else you’d be dead.”

Roppi glared at him with hatred before turning his back on him. “Had to ruin a good thing, huh?”

Delic didn’t think he was meant to hear that. This person had said it more under his breath than needed so Delic was fairly certain he wasn’t supposed to hear that. But he did. The raven either didn’t know or didn’t care if that was the case as he crawled towards the edge of the bed on shaky arms.

“Hey.” Delic said.

He was ignored.

The blond went around the bed to stand in front of the raven. He looked up at the host.

“Hey.” Delic tried again.

“What do you want now?”

“I think I have a general idea of why you want to kill yourself.”

The raven’s brows furrowed in pain.

“But I’m telling you, that bastard of an ex-boyfriend of yours isn’t going to bother you anymore. After the shit you said, I think it would be too embarrassing for him to try and get you back.” Delic sat down on the bed. “There are ways around homelessness. Your parents or even homeless shelters will take you in. It’s just a slight bump in the road. Everywhere is hiring right now so you can find a job, even if it’s a job at McDonalds. And hell, some businesses have company dormitories if you get hired! It’s not the end of the world. You can come back from this.”

The raven chuckled. Cynically. Sadly. A grin was on his lips, but his eyes were flooded with tears that threatened to spill over.

“You don’t know anything.” The raven said. “You think, cuz you eavesdropped on a conversation, you have a grand idea of what’s going on? If I was so desperate to get away from Takashiro, then I could have gotten a job, bide my time until I had enough money, then moved out without him even knowing I disappeared. I work three fucking jobs, for christ’s sake! Most of the time, I only have enough time for a two-hour power nap before I have to go to one of them! So, don’t fucking sit here and tell me what’s fucking wrong when you don’t know anything!”

“…Then…then what’s wrong? If you’re working so hard, you should be able to keep that apartment and kick your boyfriend out.”

“God, you didn’t listen to anything he said, did you?” The raven chuckled as he wiped his eyes.

Delic was having trouble understanding.

“You know what, fuck it.” The raven smiled. “This is my last night on Earth. Guess I should tell someone, even if it’s a stranger. Do you mind, host-san, to listen to the tale of a soon-to-be dead man?”

Delic didn’t like that way of thinking. If anything, this person should tell him because maybe Delic can help. But this man was so far gone, it seemed like nothing Delic said would change his mind. But maybe that was because Delic didn’t know the full picture. Maybe if he had a full understanding of the situation, he could give the proper advice.

Delic nodded. “I don’t mind being your ear.”

Roppi smiled. He lied back on the bed, rolling over to be on his side and faced the host.

“So, this all started when I was fifteen…”

* * *

_My mom was a mistress to some CEO of a company. He wasn’t a CEO at the time, but now he is. Condom broke and I was born. Dad baled pretty quickly after that._

_My mom went from relationship to relationship. Eventually, she ended up marrying a guy when I was fifteen. She met him when I was thirteen, they started living together when I was fourteen. Then they officially got married when I was fifteen._

_After that, shit hit the fan for me. New stepdad was a stay-at-home, so my mom could be an independent woman. My mom had to look after me by herself for such a long time, so she didn’t want to be the stay-at-home mom now that she was married. So, my mom worked, my stepdad stayed at home with me._

_From there, he started molesting me. He raped me. I tried to tell my mom, but my mom said I was just trying to start shit between her and her new husband. You know the situation, during a kid’s teen years where they start drama because they’re discontent and hate their household. Every kid goes through that and my mom thought that’s what was happening. She didn’t believe me at all._

_I tried so many times to tell her. I thought, if I was adamant enough about it she would believe me. We ended up getting into an argument and she ended up saying ‘if you hate living here that much, then you can leave.’ It was an empty threat. She didn’t mean it; she was just frustrated. But I took it seriously. I still remember the look on her face when I broke down crying in front of her. Well, I shouldn’t say broke down. It was just like…something inside me broke. I lost all motivation to care anymore and that motivation came out in the form of tears. I just…the conversation ended there. I just went back to my room without a word._

_That night, I packed a bag and left. I didn’t really care about where I went. I just went in a random direction and started walking._

_I ended coming across this little abandoned house on the outskirts of a town some twenty miles away. The house was still furnished, but it was covered in white sheets kind of furnished, you know? I ended up just sleeping there._

_Apparently, that place was a kind of hang out for some younger kids. A few showed up and I scared the shit out of them. I didn’t really do anything, but they thought I was a ghost. They ran like bats out of hell. One of the kids ended up coming back a few hours later. A little blond kid with red eyes. His name was Tsukishima. He brought me food. I ate some and he just called out ‘you can’t be a ghost if you’re hungry!’_

_He was so cute. He was 12 at the time but he acted so innocent. I was in a bad place, so I had a very bad attitude and yelled at him more than I should have. But he was still kind to me. He brought me food and showed me a little river where I could clean up. He even got me soap, so I could wash off. I don’t know if he was treating me like a stray dog or something, but I wasn’t complaining. It was nice. First time in a long time I was able to smile was when I met Tsukishima._

_I should have treasured him. I should have treated him better. But I was suffering. I wanted someone to hurt as much as I did…No…I think, if I stop to actually look at it. I wanted to regain my crumbling masculinity. I was a virgin and already made into someone else’s woman. I hated myself and I thought if I could regain some masculinity, I can start liking myself again._

_I raped Tsukishima. This little 12-year-old who was nothing but kind to me. I forced myself on him. He didn’t understand at first. He was really confused but he knew he didn’t like me touching his junk. I didn’t give him a choice. He told me to stop, pushed me, kicked and even punched me but I didn’t stop._

_Once I was…done…I took a good look at what I had committed. I sat there and just…questioned everything. Is that what I looked like after my stepdad raped me? Why did my stepdad like this? That was the most horrible thing I’ve done. It didn’t even feel that good. Why does my stepdad like doing something like this but I can’t? A part of me thought if I understand my stepdad, I could handle the rape. But I just couldn’t. I hated myself so much for what I had done. The kid who trusted me, who was kind to me, and I fucking destroyed him like my stepdad destroyed me. And it didn’t even make me feel better. My masculinity was still shot and now I just added a batch of self-loathing to the mix._

_What have I done? That’s all I could think. What have I done? How could I do such a thing? What is_ wrong _with me?_

_I left. I took Tsukishima’s cell phone and called his parents. Told them what I did to their son and where he was. I left right after. I stayed in the woods long enough to see police cars heading up to the house. Then I went back home._

_I decided that I fucking deserved to be raped by my stepdad. After what I did to Tsuki, I deserved all of it. I stopped caring about myself entirely. I was so…I was torn apart by guilt. I think…I only knew Tsuki for about two weeks, but I think I fell in love. Maybe the closest thing I could get to love. And I hurt him. I don’t know…I don’t know if I actually love him, but I know I can’t live with myself after what I did._

_So, I went home. My stepdad made a huge scene, saying he was sorry for whatever he did to make me want to leave. Made him look like a hero in my mom’s book. But I couldn’t give a damn to actually respond. The raping didn’t stop. It was just postponed until my mom thought everything was okay. My mom tried to talk to me about what was wrong. ‘I didn’t mean what I said back then. I’m sorry.’ I didn’t care. I just responded to make her shut up._

_My mom knew something was off now. She tried time and time again to ask me what was wrong. I fell deep into depression. I just didn’t care. My mom would always wake up just in time to drive me to school. I stopped waiting for her and just walked myself. I talked to her only when she brought up conversation and even then, it was just one-word responses._

_I don’t know what compelled my mom to finally fucking believe me. But she got me alone and asked me if I was telling the truth about what my stepdad was doing. My response was ‘why do you care?’ We had a little argument then. ‘Because I’m your mother! Why wouldn’t I care?!’ ‘You didn’t care before, so why would you now?’ God, the look on her face when I said that._

_The next day, she decided to come home for her lunch break to catch my stepdad in the act. Which she did. The look of horror on my mom’s face. My mom grabbed me, locked ourselves in her bedroom and she called the cop. My stepdad ran but he got caught by the end of the day. Questioning with the police was shit. I didn’t have the motivation to actually talk to them. I did, regardless. My mom was embarrassed about how long this went on for. I guess, ashamed would be a better word for it. The police and my mom had a long conversation about child negligence; for a bit, I thought I was going to get possessed by the prefecture. That didn’t end up happening, luckily._

_I never got over my guilt. I couldn’t forget what I did to Tsukishima. No matter how much I tried. My mom took me to therapy and everything, but I never talked about me. I talked about what I did to Tsukishima. The therapist did her best. She was a good therapist, I was just—I’m just too far gone. I couldn’t let go of what I did to Tsuki._

_I thought…I don’t know why, but I thought I should apologize. So, I went back to that town and waited in front of the school. Tsuki never came out. I stopped one of the kids and asked. They told me the Kishitani family—which I guess was Tsuki’s family name, I didn’t know that at the time. I think he told me, but I never remembered it for some reason—anyway, they moved away. At least the kids did. I found the parents easy enough. I lied and said I was an old friend of Tsuki’s and they told me his older brother took Tsuki away. Because Tsuki never left the house. They didn’t explain much but I knew it was because of me._

_I traumatized Tsukishima. I destroyed him worse than my stepdad destroyed me. I completely annihilated his future all because I was a selfish piece of shit. I hurt him so bad. No amount of I’m sorry’s were going to change that._

_I am the most terrible fucking person on the face of this Earth._

_I couldn’t live with myself._

_I can’t live with myself._

_Not after what I did to Tsuki._

_I don’t—I wanted to make it right. I wanted to help Tsuki out the best I could. I found out that his parents apparently disowned Tsuki, I guess. I’m not sure what the family situation was. All I know is Tsuki’s older brother took him away from that town—most-likely to get Tsuki away from the memories—and took him to Ikebukuro. I also knew that they weren’t being financed by their parents. I found their apartment and it was one of those shitty ones on the corner of town, where their neighbors were either hookers or drug dealers._

_I forced myself on Tsuki, then I forced him into an even shittier situation. I fucking…I did this. It was all my fault._

_When I turned 18, I found some shady loan shark. I didn’t realize he was shady then, but I know now. I asked them how much of a loan I could pull out. They said that with my background and my current job at the time, I could pull out ¥1,000,000 ($10,000). So, I did. I took the 1 mill and gave it, anonymously, to Tsukishima and his brother. I left the check empty cuz I didn’t know Tsuki’s older brother. But since he’s a minor, his brother was the one who would have to fill it out. If I wrote it to Tsuki, his parents would have the rights to it until he was 18 and if he was disowned, I didn’t want his parents to have it. I wrote the letter to Tsukishima, but left the address on the check blank so they could fill it out to whoever. I hope that makes sense._

_Obviously, it worked because next time I saw Tsukishima, he was moving into a nice two-story house. I was happy for him. I was doing pretty okay myself afterwards. I left my mom without much of a word. I was still emotionally fucked but I felt like I could finally move forward, knowing that at least Tsuki would be taken care of financially. Hopefully he could get a good therapist. That’s what I wrote in the letter, at least._

_Anyway, I moved out, left town and moved to Shinjuku. I was pretty okay for a year, paying off the loan ¥10,000 ($100) at a time._

_Then the loan shark came at me, saying I have to pay ¥100,000 ($1,000) every two weeks to keep up on the interest rate. Figured out right quick I borrowed money from a shady loan shark but there was nothing I could do. I ended up moving into a shitty apartment like the one Tsuki had been living in, got myself a boyfriend who was just as shit. He was willing to pay the house bills in exchange for beating the shit out of me and fucking my brains out every other day. He had ED, so he spent a lot of time doing bondage shit, abandonment play, and just a bunch of terrible fucking shit. But I was okay with that. He was paying my bills and I was able to put my full paycheck to the sharks. I got another two jobs to try and keep up._

_The self-hatred returned. Working three jobs where the only break I had was about 1 to 3 hours in between my shifts to rest. And some of those times, I had to entertain my boyfriend with fucking worthless sex or a beating. I really deserve everything I got. I dug my own grave the day I hurt Tsukishima. I…I just…I want to complain but I don’t have a right to complain._

_I…_

_…_

_A few months ago, I got a call from the loan sharks. The ¥100,000 ($1,000) a month isn’t enough anymore. I need to pay ¥500,000 ($5,000) in order to keep up with the interest rate. I obviously can’t pay that. I have until tomorrow to either pay the full ¥1,500,000 ($15,000) or well…They told me about this shop. It’s basically a brothel that caters to fat cats and yakuza. It’s no different than sex slavery but it’ll pay back my loan in less than a year._

_But I…I decided to check out this ‘brothel’ after they told me about it. And some of those guys, girls, whatever…it’s extreme sex. Like, those whores had their tendons in their legs cut and eyes missing, Cheshire cat stitches from where they elongated their mouth for a night. It’s a sex place for savages where no rules apply. If it doesn’t kill the ‘whore’, it’s fair game…_

_That was going to be my life if I didn’t think of something. I decided I’d rather die than live that life._

_But I couldn’t pull suicide. If I did, the loan sharks would go after the next person who could pay it. I didn’t put any names down on my information other than mine and I changed my name when I left home. So, the sharks can’t go after my mother. Which means they’ll go after the person I gave the money to. If they figure out who I gave it to, they’ll be the next target. Meaning, Tsukishima will be on their radar._

_I…So I can’t die. But I can’t pay that amount._

_I got an idea about two months back. I found out who my biological father was. He had become the CEO of a company, like I said before. I got a ‘meeting’ with him and we had a small conversation. I knew he was my father. He knew I was his son. But the press didn’t know. If he didn’t give in to my demands, I would leak this information. I didn’t need to have a paternity test in order to ruin his reputation. Proof wasn’t needed in the face of rumors that make it to the hands of the press. I’m sure you know that._

_My dad wasn’t happy about that, but he at least listened. I didn’t ask for much. At first, I asked for the 1.5 mill. He shut me down immediately. Said he was rich but not that rich. I then asked to be put on his life insurance policy with a minimum return of ¥2,000,000 ($20,000). He agreed. I got a letter of confirmation from the life insurance company two weeks ago. I set up who the benefactor would be. The benefactor would be Kishitani Tsukishima, but it was set up to pay off any deductibles on my credit first—ergo, the loan from the sharks._

_I decided._

_I decided that I’d repay my debt to Tsukishima in full while protecting him from my mistakes._

_Maybe I’m self-righteous. Maybe I’m just pretending to be noble. Or maybe my depression got the better of me and I’m just truly suicidal. I don’t know._

_But there’s a part of me that knew I would never be able to make up my sin with money. No amount of money or I’m sorry’s would ever give me forgiveness. I dug myself into such a deep hole trying to right my wrong and if I don’t get myself out of it, Tsuki will be dragged down with me. No matter what I feel, I can’t let that happen._

_So…Today is my last day. I postponed killing myself because I was scared. A part of me doesn’t want to die. I’m really scared. But I only have till today. The loan sharks are going to be coming for me tomorrow. So, it’s either live a life of sex slavery to pay off my loan…or kill myself. I can die with dignity at least, right? I’m keeping Tsuki safe, aren’t I? Cuz-cuz even if I were to just disappear, Tsuki would still get targeted, wouldn’t he? They’d go after him and his brother for the money. So…So this has to end with me._

_There’s no other way…_

_Right?_

* * *

Roppi stared up at Delic with a gaze of pure desperation. Tears streaked his cheeks. He stared at the host with a gaze that spoke volumes. He was uncertain. He was scared. And Delic had the potential power to come up with some form of miraculous options to save his life.

Delic wrapped his arms around Roppi and hugged him close. The raven’s eyes stretched wide.

“You’re right. There’s no other way here.” Delic said. “You’re doing the right thing. This is what’s best for you and what’s best for this Tsukishima.”

“…R-really?”

“I…don’t think you have any options, here. If you want to keep Tsuki safe, you’ll have to pay back your loan. But there’s no way you’ll be able to pay back such an extensive loan. If…if your father had offered to pay your loan then I think you would have been okay. But that didn’t happen. You…you really only have two options here. Either die and use the insurance plan to pay your loan. Or go to that brothel and live a terrible life where you’ll wish you were dead.” Delic pushed his back to make eye contact with the raven. “You have the choice here. Do you want to take your life into your own hands or let someone else take it for you?”

The uncertainty was obvious in Roppi’s eyes. He was quiet for a long moment as he looked down.

Then he smiled. A chuckle escaped his throat. He started to cry but the smile was still in place. “Thank you.”

“For-for what?”

“I had my doubts about this plan. I thought…I thought I was being dramatic. I thought I was being pessimistic and coming to the worse decision. But…but if a complete stranger can come to the same conclusion, after telling me suicide isn’t the answer…I have confidence in this now.”

Delic felt guilt grip his heart. But he didn’t let it show. Instead he smiled. “Pills…and alcohol is probably the least painful way to go…”

“Yeah…” Roppi nodded. “Yeah…”

Roppi reached into his pocket. “I had only taken one so far. I was…scared…”

Delic grabbed his hands. Roppi stared up at him. Delic smiled at him. “Don’t be scared, okay? You’re doing the right thing…”

Roppi smiled. Despite tears stinging his eyes, he smiled. He then nodded. “Thank you. Thank you.”

The raven chuckled. He pushed himself off the bed to stand. He stumbled for a moment. Delic quickly stood and steadied the raven. Obviously his strangulation earlier was affecting his blood flow to his head. The raven patted Delic on the chest as a sign that he was alright. He then walked over to the liquor cart in the corner of the room. He browsed the selection before choosing a bottle of bourbon.

He then looked over his shoulder and smiled. “I’m going to go find a nice quiet place where I can’t be interrupted. Know any good spots?”

* * *

Delic was a terrible person. The blond never claimed to be a good person, but he knew he didn’t have many redeeming qualities.

Tonight was a fine example of that opinion.

Delic didn’t see many options for that man. He had dug himself into such a deep grave that going up seemed impossible without pulling someone else down. That always was an option. He could have let this Tsukishima take the fall for everything and find happiness for himself far away from Tokyo. He could have let his self-hatred turn into blame. It would have been easier for that Hachimenroppi to hate Tsukishima, to blame him for being too easy or something like that. But he couldn’t see that pass his own self-loathing. If he channeled his hatred towards others instead of towards himself, he could have easily got himself out of the situation he was in.

Delic knew that. But he didn’t suggest it. That person was trying to protect his most precious person. To tear that person down to save himself was something he more-than-likely wouldn’t have agreed with.

Delic had his eyes downcast as he opened the door to his house. “I’m home.”

A blond teen of 18 peeked his head out of the entrance way to the living room. “We-welcome home, Ni-Nii-san.”

Roppi could have saved himself had he been more selfish. Delic knew that. Delic could have suggested that. But Delic was also protecting his own precious person.

It just so happened that Roppi’s precious person was also Delic’s.

The blond would admit, he knew who Roppi was once he mentioned Tsukishima. He knew exactly who he was. And he would be lying if he didn’t admit that animosity started swaying his thought process. Delic could have figured out another option for Roppi. He knew people in different places—specifically the Awakusu-Kai and Orihara Izaya. He was sure one of them would have taken interest in Roppi. After all, Roppi tracked down Delic and Tsukishima, as well as his biological father without much problems. He was untrained, but given the right guidance, he could be very useful to someone like the yakuza or Izaya. If they found him interesting enough, they would have protected him from the loan sharks and probably payed off his debt for him. Delic could have suggested that but he chose not to.

Because a part of his hated Roppi for what he did. He didn’t seem to know the full extent of what he did to Tsukishima. Yes, Tsuki dropped out of school and became homeschooled. Yes, Tsuki was basically disowned by his parents. But it wasn’t so simple. What Roppi did was tear his family apart. His own father couldn’t touch Tsukishima without the teen going into a full-blown panic. Therapy didn’t work because Tsuki was too scared to leave the house to go. Their mom and dad blamed each other for the wrong that happened to their son. “Why were you letting him stay out for so long?” “Why weren’t you monitoring where he went?” “You were home that day! You should have known something was wrong!” “If you weren’t working all the time, then this wouldn’t have happened!”

Their household was torn asunder because of what Roppi did to Tsukishima. Delic took his little brother away not only for the teen to get away from the memories—like Roppi thought—but because their parents were starting to blame Tsuki for not protecting himself properly. Delic spent the last 6 years trying to keep Tsuki and himself out of poverty. He gave up on college, barely finished high school because he was working so hard.

The anonymous ¥1,000,000 ($10,000) really saved them back then. Delic was grateful for it. But he still could never forgive Roppi.

And because he couldn’t forgive Roppi, he wouldn’t save him.

All Delic cared about was Tsukishima.

“D-Delic-Nii, are you okay?” Tsuki asked. “You-you’re m-making a face…”

“No, I’m fine.” Delic smiled.

He walked over and reached his hand out. Tsuki flinched out of reflex. Delic’s smile turned sad but he quickly changed it to reassuring. Tsuki smiled nervously but didn’t pull away. Delic touched Tsuki’s hair in comfort. The younger blond started to shake but held firm.

“I’m fine.” Delic said, ruffling his little brother’s hair, “Just a stressful day at work.”

“Oh-oh. D-do you want t-tea or…milk?”

Delic smiled lovingly at his brother. “I love you.”

Tsuki jolted. “I-I love you too, Nii-san.”

 ** _‘Consider your past dues payed in full, Hachimenroppi.’_** Delic thought. ** _‘I hope God can forgive you because I can’t.’_**

**Author's Note:**

> So...  
> So, this story comes about for the sake of Roppi being a suicidal individual and there not being nearly enough depictions of this personality flaw.  
> I honestly wanted to write this because I do like writing stories that have no happy endings. Like, whenever I write a story like this, my brain tries over and over to find a way out for the character. It's a struggle for me not to give the character a string to pull themselves out of the dark. And it works as a great challenge.  
> I also like writing stories that bring about profound reactions from the readers. Probably the stories that give me the most pride are the one that make people cry, make people uncomfortable with the realism of the scene, or make people angry. In my opinion, a story should invest someone emotionally more than entertainment based and a lot of authors fall short of that. So, you could say I'm doing my part to establish more stories like that. That's a bit conceited and honestly not how my thought process is going when writing these, but if it floats your boats! *Le shrug*  
> Anyway, thank you for reading~! Kudo, comment, and all that other stuff. See you in the next one!  
> KCK


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